argentlr

guy looks just like Jason Segal:

3liza:

catbountry:

shwoosaysthings:

12-TIME WORLD CHAMPION

of what?

Who is this man child?

I don’t know but he’s got a face that I just wanna swirlie.

Doesn’t he?

Every time I see a picture of a guy like this—age 20-28, extremely white, wearing the American Apparel hoodie, and god, this one even dared a V-neck t-shirt, likely also from AA—with the florid, congested gaze of a towheaded child trying to look fearsome and ineffable, I cannot help but fantasize about meeting this person at some game industry function, some place where he is in his element, where lesser nerds have spent days bringing him Red Bulls and parroting five-year-old catchphrases at him, when he is at the absolute top of his form.  I imagine meeting him, his glow incandescent in the cheap ambiance of a convention hall.  We discuss games, hardware, war.  I ply feminine wiles he’s only heard about in whispers in private IRC channels.  I use PUA methods against him, seasoning my performance with an irony only I can appreciate—negs, teasing, escalating to kino as I finger his Triton surround sound optical headphones (not pictured) and murmur that I have a pair just like them at home, in white.  I ask him what he thinks of the Avenger 360 controller mod and we laugh at its surrounding drama.  I ask him what his favorite 4chan subforum is, and then make fun of him for it, whatever it is.  We have a brief disagreement about Skyrim winning Game of the Year over Portal 2, entirely engineered on my part, as this is a man that values Game Informer’s payola-driven reviews, and I can smell it on him, as clear as his Old Spice and AXE.

We go out to dinner, the thrill of the hunt mediating my revulsion with this boy.

In a few weeks he confesses his love to me.  I smile indulgently.  My plan is about to go into effect.